A Social Disaster : Voices from Durham--Bryan Proffitt

Don’t Nobody Move
by Bryan Proffitt

I can already see folks packing up their pots, pans, and protest signs. I am reading the newspaper reporters, so quick to sensationalize in the past few weeks, rolling up their rage and heading home. The T.V. producers, not two steps out of the cutting room, headed back in to rewrite the story.

“White men attacked”

“Innocent Students Demand Justice”

“Tawanna Brawley All Over Again”

Please.

I’ve read the same reports that everybody else has. In mid-March, a Black student/mother/daughter/woman/human was hired to dance at a party hosted by members of the Duke University lacrosse team. She leaves the party, calls the police, and reports that she and a companion have been racially assaulted, and that she has been sexually assaulted by three members of the team. There is a medical exam that reveals sustained physical trauma. The Durham police take a DNA sample from every white member of the team because the woman identifies her assailants as white men. Weeks of protest, education, and counter-protest and counter-education. The DNA samples come back negative.

And?

Look, those of us that have been concerned about sexual assault for more than just the last few weeks have been clear about this thing from the start. We have a commitment to believing those who come forward with stories of survival first. This case is no different. Something dehumanizing, frightening, and wrong happened in that house. Regardless of the specifics, there is healing to be done and justice to be fought for. Sexual assault is a parasite that feeds on silence, and with each heroic public step forward, the wall of silence is chipped away. One of the most, if not the most, important factors in the healing process of survivors is to be believed. Too many are unwilling. Too many ask questions like, “What were you doing in his room?” “How many drinks had you had?” and “Why did you put yourself in that situation in the first place?” With each insidiously incriminating question, survivors are systematically put back in their places. And not just survivors of a particular assault, countless survivors who have had this story forced upon them are thrust back into reliving a painful process each time this cycle repeats itself. This case, as with most others, has done immeasurable emotional damage to ALL survivors.

But, the publicity of this case has also already provided the space for many survivors to heroically step forward and tell their stories. The importance of this space cannot be understated.

However, the inevitable backlash has already sown the seeds for future violence. From many corners, the questions about this woman’s profession have added bricks to the wall of silence. “She was a stripper. She should have known this was coming.” We don’t have this reaction when a construction worker is injured in an accident. We don’t chastise an airplane pilot when the actions of someone else cause a plane to crash. And we DEFINITELY don’t respond with, “well, he should have known this was coming,” to a tale of a policeman shot on the beat. The fact that this woman’s occupation was to play with the erotic is no justification for men raping a women they pay to provide a service. I’ll say that more plainly…there is nothing that this woman, or any woman, could have done to deserve being sexually assaulted, racially harassed, or otherwise violated or humiliated. Being in the wrong place at that wrong time is not a rape-able offense.

The fact that these responses have emerged, however, will serve to silence future survivors from coming forward, whether this particular woman’s story is proven in a court of law or not. A wife will not speak out against her husband because, well, “it’s her duty to provide him with sex.” A college student will not go to the police with her story because, “she shouldn’t have been drunk and in his room in the first place.” A gay high school student violently attacked will stay quiet because, “obviously, that is what he was asking for.” A sex worker will not step forward because, come on, “who would possibly believe a sex worker.” Even if this particular case is validated in a court of law, the seeds of doubt and future silences have already taken root.

And don’t let this thing get dis-proven in a court of law, or actually turn out to be false (those two statements, mind you, are not saying the same thing)…

Survivors will be forced further underground.

Conversely, men will become emboldened. For the last four years, my comrades in Men Against Rape Culture (MARC) and I have been doing workshops challenging men to confront the realities of sexual assault. I can’t remember a workshop when at least one man has not referred to the fact that men are under attack by women. “What happens if she wakes up and ‘calls' rape because she regrets it, or because we were both drunk? Now my life is ruined.” These men, of course, have little to no understanding about what it means to have one’s life ruined.

This is what having one’s life ruined looks like: regular sleep lost due to post-traumatic nightmares of sexual violence, a job lost due to the inability to focus while surviving from rape, doctor’s bills, a lifetime of counseling, expensive anti-depressants to keep you alive, eating disorders, struggles with a healthy sexuality and self-image, isolation and humiliation…these are just a few of the common after effects of sexual assault that might ruin somebody’s life.

Because of the process discussed above, it is extremely rare for someone to allege a sexual assault that did not actually happen. If this case turned out to be that exception to the rule of violence and silence, the white men on this lacrosse team will have had their lives altered. That much is true. The discomfort they would unjustly experience in that circumstance, however, is a toothpick compared to the forest of rape survival. Mountains and mole hills.

This particular case, as my MARC comrades and I say, is the “Rape CNN.” It is the sensationalized version of what happens every single day in this world. If we allow it to, it will dominate our public discussions about sexual assault for the next year. Those of us who have been working to end sexual violence, and all male violence, will not let this happen.

We know a few things, and we are going to keep those things at the center of our work:

1) Something very wrong happened that night at 610 Buchanan Ave. in Durham. It could have been sexual assault, the unchecked violence of racism, or the fear and intimidation that comes from just the threat of violence. Much of this wouldn’t even be deemed an injury in the eyes of this legal system. The legal system in this country is ill prepared to work for actual justice, and it will never be an institution that can promote healing. It has never worked for women of color, why would it work now? Even if these white men are found innocent of sexual assault, the psychological and emotional damage has been done to the woman who has survived the trauma, to survivors of all trauma, and to the community of Durham. We will still work for healing. We will still work for justice.

2) Sexual assault happens every day and in every community. We will believe that this particular case is true until we are thoroughly convinced otherwise. We need to hear it from the mouth of the woman herself, and even then we recognize the potential impact that Duke’s money, social intimidation, or a broken system could have on the truth. This is our commitment to helping heal the individual and social wounds of sexual assault. We will still fight for accountability for the perpetrators, reparations to the survivor and the community, and a renewed focus on creating spaces for healing and the PREVENTION of future racial and sexual violence.

3) We will continue to assert points #1 and 2, regardless of the legal outcome of this case. This case, while publicly significant, and significant in the lives of those involved, is a tear drop in the sea of sexual assault. We will stay focused on the work of long-term, sustainable change as we seek healing and justice for this survivor.

4) Black women, and other women of color, are raped every day. White supremacy works to convince us that Black women, and other women of color, cannot be raped because they are ALWAYS sexually available. We know that all women of color are human beings with full sexual agency that must be respected at ALL times, no matter their occupation, relationship status, or the decisions that they make about their lives.

5) Men rape, men support rape, and make can end rape. Rape is not sex. It is an act of violence. Specifically, it is an act of MALE violence, though women certainly perpetrate sexual assault in small numbers, mostly against women and children. And while not all men are rapists, almost all rapists are men. Men rape women, men rape children, men rape other men, and men rape transgender individuals. Men also benefit from patriarchy, the cultural, political, and social institutions that privilege men and create hierarchy that must be enforced by violence. Men threaten and intimidate and use our power to frighten others. Men, most importantly, can play a powerful role in ending rape. It is our problem; it is our challenge; it is our task. Men can end rape.

6) America, and the world, is sick with white supremacy and racism; heterosexism and homophobia; patriarchy, sexism, and transphobia; and poverty and capitalist excess. These systems all interact to create a culture of violence that must be changed. We teach our children the lessons of these systems, and they grow up to reinforce them. We must dismantle these systems if we hope to end the onslaught of violence.

7) Survivors will create the path forward. In resisting violence, homophobia, transphobia, racism, sexism, and capitalism, survivors of oppression generate the vision for the rest of us to follow. Their strength and their humanity is the only way out.

So don’t pack up your bags folks. It’s not time to retreat. It’s time to dig in and get ready for a fight that doesn’t end until the violence stops and we’re all free. It’s the fight that’s going to save our lives. It’s the fight that’s going to save our souls.

***

This essay was strengthened profoundly by the brilliant and challenging criticism and editing of Christy Tronnier, Nancy Wilson, Bob Pleasants, Beth Bruch, Dasan Ahanu, Kai Barrow, and Theo Luebke. Many thanks y’all.

Bryan Proffitt is a Hip-Hop generation white man that writes, organizes, teaches, and lives in Durham, NC. He is one of the co-founders of Men Against Rape Culture, and can be reached at bproffitt33@yahoo.com. Please send feedback.