"A Social Disaster" : Voices from Durham--Dasan Ahanu

I was walking down the street and I saw her looking at me kind of strange
A polite hello and she asked if I was the guy at the open mic last week
I said “yeah” and she commented on the words I spoke
She said my poem had a lot of depth, but I didn’t know as much as I thought
See she was a survivor
And though I saw the problem
I lacked the initiative to say what I was going to do about it
She asked if I ever cried of knew the face of pain
If I ever held a scar so deep that I hide it’s presence
Am I willing to examine it and learn the lesson
Confused, I asked her if that is how it feels
She said no,
That’s how you should feel to know they lied to you about what a man should be
And one victim happened to be me
I promised her I would edit my poem and my mind
And have it ready for her the next time…
Lyrics from “Til” by Dasan Ahanu


Behind the Liquid Wall
by Dasan Ahanu

The lyrics to Til were running through my mind as I stood there on Buchannan. I was standing outside amidst a beautiful crowd of people wondering how this continues to happen. We were holding pots and pans and being led by drums in a harmony of noise and protest . Our attention was set on a house occupied by three captains of the men’s lacrosse team at Duke that was the scene of a rape investigation . I was happy to see people who emphatically wanted to see justice served cry out in support of the survivor of the rape, and voice concern over the culture that allows this to happen at Duke, in Durham, in the US, and around the world.

I began to think about the silence the lacrosse team had taken with authorities. I also began to think about an institution like Duke and the impact the assault has on campus. It seemed that there were two worlds intersecting here that shared similar patterns of behavior. I asked myself at what point does loyalty and tradition take a twisted turn. So often a wall is created that protects and preserves both the positive and negative. This wall silences any outcry that wants change or scrutiny of that negative. What does that wall do to accountability? What does that wall do to offset and already unequal power dynamic? What does that wall do to safety and security for all those affected by what it masks? I see it as a wall of liquid bricks. It begins with a false impression of social interaction and enjoyment, is supported by a tradition of tolerance, and chronicled in the tears of so many survivors.

Liquid Courage

Liquid courage: a slang phrase used to refer to any alcoholic beverage. It refers to the fact that many people are more courageous (or, to put it in less optimistic terms, "have less discretion") once they have become intoxicated with alcohol. (en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Liquid_courage)

When I think about the lyrics to Til I am saddened about how men see their masculinity and run from any critical analysis about it. We are so willing to accept the role identified by society and act it out to the fullest. Then in an attempt to run from self-discovery and from the responsibility and accountability that comes with it, we find ways to bypass the fears this avoidance brings.

Social interaction can be difficult for many of us. This is especially true if we are still struggling with our own identity and place in the world. Men are not taught to take any real time to determine who they are. Men are also not encouraged to engage in healthy dialogue or discovery with other men about their identities. With such a narrow understanding of masculinity, interaction with women in a sincere and compassionate way is hard. This is with the full understanding that interactions with queer folks and anyone outside of the gender binary is even harder.

One perceived solution to overcoming the insecurity in social settings is to use alcohol. Alcohol, also know as “liquid courage” can be seen as the way to free the inner you. It reduces inhibitions and encourages risk as the level of consumption greatens. Depending on the tolerance level of the drinker, it may not take much to feel socially adept. Men use alcohol to escape the reservations of insecurity, but also to numb their conscious. What kind of scene does this set? What problems does this create? What danger does this present when balance and privilege of gender is tilted toward men? Now these men have numbed their conscious, set aside their inhibitions, and quieted their moral sensibility. What is the cost?

Men sit and laugh at each other. Often because a guy got “wet” or drunk and woke up with someone he doesn’t know with a vague recollection of what happened. They make jokes and excuse his actions to the alcohol. Other times it’s because they each have stories of wild things a guy did once intoxicated. These stories are of actions that would normally be considered inappropriate, but are excused to the alcohol. When men chronicle the adventures of “liquid courage” in this way, what do you think they will do when the result was an unwanted sexual advance or a rape?

Wet Environment

Wet: supporting or permitting the legal production and sale of alcoholic beverages; "a wet candidate running on a wet platform"; "a wet county"
wordnet.princeton.edu/perl/webwn

This definition describes an environment where alcohol is welcomed and encouraged. Some colleges are environments where alcohol is welcomed and culturally encouraged. The problem with an environment of tolerance is that undergraduates are mostly underage. What kind of environment is created when alcohol is welcome and tolerated in a space where most of the people occupying the space are under the legal age to purchase it. What kind of environment is created when students are able to indulge within the watch of the institution, behind a wall of tradition and entitlement?

I consider that to be a “wet” institution. An institution that considers partying and alcohol to be part of the college experience. It is an institution that would rather attempt to monitor and contain this lifestyle than deny their students their right to party as they choose. Imagine the ramifications if the “wet” institution is one of prestige and affluence, where the students can get access not just to alcohol, but a lot of alcohol. What effect does tolerance have on campus life when students can throw the biggest, most elaborate, and frequent parties they can imagine? Think of how hard it would be to try and change the culture of partying and alcohol on a campus that is lead by fraternal life. Can you imagine the backlash from male alumnus who valued these experiences and relationships so dearly? How could they rob these new young men of that opportunity to make those same memories? How influential do their criticisms sound to male administrators, some also alums, and how influential are their checkbooks?

The statistics are there. You can Google search and see the number of statistics on alcohol and assaults. Most institutions have an alcohol policy and someone on staff to monitor it. Duke’s policy and enforcement of it has become steadily more stringent. Of course, this means that students will become more creative in order to maintain the culture of access that was allowed their predecessors at the University. This includes the prevalence of utilizing the rental properties around campus. Duke University Police and the Durham Police Department have made efforts to crack down on these events, but they still continue. Not only do these parties continue, but each one gets more elaborate than the last.

The Wet Wall

Solidarity: A feeling or condition of unity based on common goals, interests, and sympathies among a group's members
www.fieldsofhope.org/resources/glossary.asp

I was watching a TV special and listening to one man talk about being loyal to his homeboy. He said that he would “ride” with him no matter what, even if his friend had done something stupid. He said he would talk to him afterwards about how stupid the act was, but would stand with him nonetheless. This is a common theme with men. It is the idea that we protect our own, stand in solidarity, and the whole is more important than the one. I think about this self-destructive habit men have as I witness the silence the lacrosse team has taken. It may be dictated by the coaches who are also men. It may be dictated by the University which is led by a man. Yet, it is a male practice that commonly hides indiscretions.

In a 2004 movie called Wall of Silence directed by Christopher Menaul, the tag line was “Do you say anything if you saw anything?”. I found this to be an interesting way to set up a movie where a crime was committed in public eye and no witnesses would step forward. It highlighted the same practice of not saying anything that would harm one of us. It shames me that we would live with this us versus them mentality that would outweigh an atrocious act being perpetrated on another human being. Does the continuum of masculinity go from men don’t cry to men don’t tell?

Tears Fall, a Sad Song Gets Sung

I have to admit I’ve cried and I know the face of pain. I shed tears through my own pain and struggle. I’ve seen the pain on survivor’s faces and on the faces of those who love them. I’ve held a scar so deep that I hide its presence and only through the support and push of strong people in the movement to end the violence have I learned to examine and learn the lesson. I hope that the assault is not a scar that the men on the lacrosse team continue to hide. I hope the assault is not a scar that Duke hides and isn’t willing to learn the lesson.

Tears have been falling in Durham. The community members in the neighborhood around the house where the assault happened have gathered and shed tears. The students who are horrified that this happened have shed tears. Durham has shed tears as it sees the news reports and reads the articles. There is a survivor still shedding tears with her loved ones and children. Other survivors taken back to their own experiences are shedding tears.

There is an interesting fable by Aesop that I feel fits.

A DOE hard pressed by hunters sought refuge in a cave belonging to a Lion. The Lion concealed himself on seeing her approach, but when she was safe within the cave, sprang upon her and tore her to pieces. “Woe is me,” exclaimed the Doe, “who have escaped from man, only to throw myself into the mouth of a wild beast?”
In avoiding one evil, care must be taken not to fall into another.

Imagine the struggle of trying to escape the culture of society as a whole to end up caught in an even worse situation. To have your response to one struggle used as justification to the outcome of the other. To have your pain overlooked and the larger problem ignored. Imagine having to face the fact that the truth is hidden behind a wall of silence.

I just want the wall to come down and a real change to be made.

***

I would like to thank all those who believe in stopping the violence by changing the culture, the survivors and their strength, advocates and activists who push for social change, the women who have showed us how to fight, the queer community who have showed us how to fight, and the ancestors and elders who gave of themselves to stop all oppressions. Thank you to Dr. Mark Anthony Neal, Dr. Jean Leonard, Kevin Powell, NCCASA (www.nccasa.org), NCADV (www.ncadv.org) and Bryan Proffitt and he guys of MARC (http://www.marcnc.blogspot.com/).

Chris Massenburg a.k.a. Dasan Ahanu is a co-founder of Men Against Rape Culture (MARC) and a poet, emcee, activist, organizer, and educator. He can be reached at dasan67@gmail.com.